While the Western world was busy with marriage equality
in 2013, in the Egyptian society where I come from, a woman is still
defined by marriage and little else. You are either married, divorced, a
future bride if you’re young (under 23), an old maid if you’re over 25,
a mother to smart kids, or a wife to a successful doctor or lawyer.
Unfortunately, this attitude isn’t exclusive to the lower income or
lesser educated classes, it is something we all share, with few
exceptions. The 21th century Egyptian society generally considers
marriage a top priority for women, even for those single by choice.
Being single around here isn’t something you can brag about, as you
would when getting an engagement ring. It becomes a circus when girls
compete about who would get married first, sometimes even between
sisters. When, reluctant to join the ranks of conformity, you ask people
“why should I be worried and get into this social party to be Mrs.
Someone?”, here are the most common answers offered by women and men in
equal measure:
1. You can’t be independent
A woman needs a man to spend money on her, and a man needs a woman to cook, take care of the house and clear up his mess.
2. It is a duty you owe to your family
Your dad and mom are looking forward to being grandparents ever since
you were little, how long will they have to wait for their dream to
come true?!
3. The world is too messy to face it alone
When you get older you will realize what a cruel world we live in, so
it is much better to be with someone who will be responsible for you,
fighting everyday for your wellbeing and survival.
4. It is an achievement, if you don’t have any other
As a woman, you don’t need to spend your time on a career or a craft
to feel accomplished, all that society asks of you in order to become a
successful woman is to get a handsome guy who would achieve things for
the both of you.
5. The clock is ticking
You should run around like a headless chicken the moment you check
your watch and realize that you are still single at 25 or 30, because
your chances to find a guy to get you pregnant vanish.
Above were some of the told or untold reasons for why marrying right
now is a must for me and every other unwed woman out there. What no one
tells us women or men is that one should marry only in one case: if you
find someone who you love and respect, someone that reciprocates your
feelings and expectations. As simple as that sounds, it isn’t something
that happens by pushing a button.
I live in a culture that doesn’t praise taking the time to discover
your personality and what your mission in life is. Thinking is almost a
sin here. People usually see a single girl as an annoying person who
reminds them that there is a time-out option for figuring out who I am
and what I do in the world, and that I can wait till I become a good
partner ready for a healthy relationship.
Finally, here is my Arabic answer to why I might marry someday:
1. To be with a man who respects my interests.
2. To succeed with a man, not over him.
3. To create good memories and share our legacy with our children.
Even if this won’t happen, even if I will not meet this guy, I will
continue to live my life as I should: feeling free, doing well, being
loved.
When in doubt, I often hear these words in my head: “Every woman has
an opportunity to fulfill a golden role in life, it is not simple but it
is available, it is up to you.” The credit for this quote goes to a
wonderful gentleman, Ali Faramawy.
It is up to you.
